Mixed bag o'stuff

Well, the fundraiser did not go as well as we would have liked. Although I have to say, I’m almost not surprised. It’s so hard to do something like this in L.A. because people are so jaded and not about to reach out and help their fellow artist. I can’t count how many people assured me that they were going to be there tonight because they believe in me, they believe in the project, they think it’s a great thing I’m doing. And they were not there. Again, would love to say I’m surprised but I’m just not. Put your money where your mouth is – cough up the 20 bucks then if you can’t make it. Don’t give me an excuse. Don’t tell me why you didn’t come. Cough up the money, honey, then tell me why you stood me up. Sorry, I’m a bit miffed.

But, although the numbers were very low, the small audience certainly enjoyed the music. Most people hung out for a good portion of the night instead of breezing in and then taking off after a song or two. And these bands were incredible. Annaliese sang her soulful heart out and really touched a lot of people there tonight. As always, Deena Rubinson and her “Sweet Sweet Voice” was darling and gorgeous and she shared the theme song of the film, “Goodbye Cinderella” to a rousing round of applause. Although my personal favorite is still “Blinking.” And it helped that my best friend, Zadra, was up there singing with her. Jeddrah rocked the joint, and it was the first time I’d heard a full set by her. I was blown away by her and her band and the amazing musicians that they are. Then the stunning Adonna Vichet made a special appearance and showed us all how a woman should strip the old-fashioned way. Sophisticated even in her altogether, it was such a treat to hear her sing and watch her perform. The men in the audience certainly appreciated it! The evening was topped off by a very cool performance by Nellie Bly. Missy and her band are favorites of mine. Missy usually rocks out and straddles the mike stand like nobody’s business and she did her best considering she is 8-1/2 months pregnant. She has the voice of a drunken goddess who’s been smoking too much and I adore her moxy. Her song, “Pretty Girl”, (see my recent blog for lyrics) is my theme song.

I kept finding myself saying, “Oh, I love this song” or “I love this band” or “I hope they do this one.” As the evening progressed and each band seemed to top the one before, I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by the talent up on the stage. It’s easy to think that an artist is talented when you listen to their CD and scan through their songs or see them perform by themselves. But as the performers stacked one on top of the other, I couldn’t help but appreciate the talent in that room tonight. And the generous spirit of these performers who gave of their time graciously and were so supportive and encouraging about this project that I found myself almost moved to tears several times.

Speaking of being moved to tears, my favorite part of the night came as a bit of a surprise. I used to belong to a group of friends who would get together once a month to set goals, plan our careers and generally challenge and push each other to succeed. Some of us participated in what became the Career Success Group for as much as five years, trying to figure out what we wanted to do with our lives and our talent and figure out how to get there. Well, most of us were there tonight, not by design, and we found ourselves standing together at a table. As I looked at these people, some of whom I have maybe grown a little distant from due to circumstances, I was so overwhelmed by how far each of us has gone in those five little years. Zadra was just trying to figure out what she wanted to do when she joined us. She couldn’t decide between acting and singing or something in between. She stumbled into performing with Damon and the Willies and has not stopped singing since. In face, she and Damon sang with Deena tonight and that was definitely one of the greatest pleasures of the night for me. Tony and Donna have done such wonderful work in the story salon that their two person show, Guess Who’s Coming To Coffee, has been accepted into two Fringe Festivals. Darryl has been directing steadily over at the Road and doing quite well there. And he’s fallen in love with my beautiful friend, Shelley, which was one of his goals as well. Maybe not Shelley specifically but to find someone to share his life with. Such a wonderful goal. And Adrienne, who has struggled so long with physical and personal issues, to see her smiling and beautiful and finally putting so much pain – both physical and emotional – behind her so that she is now beginning to embrace her life is just as amazing and rewarding as our own career goals. And Erik, who, while never really officially a member of the group, always seemed to be on the edge of it, struggling along with us to realize his own goals. And I realized, standing there in that group of friends, that I would not be here, in this place, today if it weren’t for them. Their challenges, their support, their encouragement and friendship got me through many deep, dark days and kept me going on this path when I thought I might give it up. They were the first to see and acknowledge the artist in me and made sure that I didn’t let that fall by the wayside. I was overcome with emotion as I stood there with them, realizing how easy it would have been to walk away and leave everything I now live for behind when the struggle seemed so hard. I’m so glad that I didn’t and I’m so glad that they were in my life when I needed them the most.

This made me take a good look around tonight at who had come. There were so many faces there that I love, so many people who have shown me how much they care by just showing up and putting down their $20, not expecting anything for it in return. So many artists who are going to be sharing this experience with me and just wanted to come and be a part of tonight. Although the attendance was small in numbers, it was huge in my heart. I had a hard time towards the end keeping my emotions in check as I looked from one friend to another and found their love and their warmth right there on the surface, being held out to me. I was so deeply moved by those who came up to me afterwards and told me that they are proud of me and how far I’ve come and what I’m accomplishing. That meant the world to me, as did the many phones calls and emails and messages from those who could not make it but wanted me to know that they were there in spirit.

And tonight would not have been even the minor success it was if it wasn’t for those who stepped up and chipped in and helped out. Erik and Patty handling the door, Paul just being there as the official Ark support and really offering his encouragement and praise. Tracey G. taking on camera duty and documenting the entire night. Monica for taking my digital camera and capturing what she could in the low light without blinding all of us. And, of course, my dearest Chairman, who took on the bands and kept them on time and in line, dealing with all the technical aspects of tonight while I dealt with the other stuff. This night would not have been as successful if it wasn’t for him. As always, his unconditional support of this project never ceases to amaze me and I am always grateful to have him with me in any capacity. He is truly one of my greatest friends.

So as I now rest my aching feet – still not used to high heels and short dresses – and try to settle down enough to sleep for a couple of hours before I have to get up and deal with work I ignored today, I am satisfied with knowing that Chairman and I did everything we could tonight to make it a success. And many others around us helped in whatever way they could – reposting the notices on Myspace, handing out flyers, adding their own invites to those he and I sent – and that certainly didn’t go without notice. So there is nothing we could have done better really. We did it the best we could and at least we didn’t lose our shirts (now, come on, no striptease jokes, please). Although I did love the chant for Chairman to follow Adonna in her striptease with his own. I can lay my head down tonight knowing that it was the best it could be and those who came enjoyed it. Hopefully, that good will and good karma with the bands will bring prosperity to us through Paypal. Or is that sacrilegious?

Good night and thanks again to those who came out and supported us.