Communication between the sexes

It’s amazing that we, as humans, ever get together and procreate.

It’s all so complicated. I don’t remember it being this complicated when I met my ex and started dating him. Maybe we were the anomaly. I watch my roomie go through her dating experiences (ask her about “dude” guy) and how impossible it is for men and women to communicate. I’m vaguely experiencing some of that myself. And I have talked to so many of my single girlfriends who are in the same boat – men don’t communicate, women communicate too much.

Men don’t talk about feelings. Men want to be left alone. Men don’t want to commit in case they’re going to lose something or have to give up something.

Women want to talk only about feelings. Women don’t want to be alone, they want to be with you. A lot of women want a commitment right away, want to be tethered to your ankle like Lo-Jack and know everything about everything in your life.

Let me clarify for you, at least in my case. I just came out of a 16 year relationship. I am not looking for 16 more right now. I’d appreciate a little hand-holding, maybe a nice good night kiss. Eventually, maybe even – dare I say it – sex might be nice. I’m not expecting long term commitment and moving in tomorrow (although if sex is involved, expect to have to at least call once in a while).

I’d like to go out on a real date with someone. Be picked up at the door, driven home. Don’t need to do that every night. I can drive. I could even pick him up, if needed. Don’t need to be with you every night. I don’t really want to be with someone every night. Of course, for this scenario to happen, there would have to be someone who wanted to take me out on a real date and those prospects are dim at the moment.

Don’t need to know your every move, as I don’t expect to have to tell you mine, although, as a woman, I may share that with you anyway. It’s in our nature, just accept it.

Feelings will be discussed. Again, in our nature. But I promise to try to keep that to a minimum. I have a therapist to discuss those things with. In fact, I may even discuss the person I’m dating with my therapist. After all, at least she has a license, as opposed to my friends who I will be discussing you with.

I will promise not to blog too much on what happens on a date. Expect some of it to show up, though. Can’t help myself, it’s part of the process. But some things never make it to these web pages, believe it or not, and you can feel safe in knowing that not everything is for public consumption.

Maybe there should be a form to fill out when you’re interested in someone that lets you know in advance what they expect of the relationship. Friends? Okay, that means no sex, no cuddling, no making out. Friends are friends, not lovers. Check. Dating but not sexually active? That means you ain’t getting nothing, even if you pay for dinner. I like you, I want to spend time with you, I might even want to kiss a little. But unless there’s going to be more than a date here and there, keep it in your pants. Check. Moving into a more serious relationship. Phone calls would be expected, not necessarily daily but often enough. Cuddling, smooching and, yes, maybe even sex at this point, although that should be defined as well – how often, where, what’s acceptable. In this day and age, who knows what other people are into. Clarify it at the start, that way, you won’t find yourself with someone who likes to be punched in the face (true story I overheard in a bar) to get sexually aroused. Check.

This form would satisfy both sexes – men wouldn’t have to communicate too much, they could just check things off. Women could get some communication at least by reading the form and adding their own checkmarks.

But barring that, I guess we’re left with the old-fashioned guessing game of who wants what and how. There’s got to be an easier way!