Clarity

There is something about having a bunch of emotional days that always leaves me with perfect clarity about my life.

After seeing my father following his surgery last night (which went very well, he’s home, in pain, but happy to be home and recovering), I finally let go of all the emotions I’d been holding so tightly to. Okay, the two Jameson’s helped.

But this morning, I woke up clear-headed, focused and with such a feeling of insight into my life. All the things that seemed to desperate and unfathomable last week now don’t seem so daunting. My relationships are crystal clear and those that I cannot change or don’t understand are fine for now. I’ll ride them out and see where they go. No longer feel the need to figure everything out right now and make it fit into the scenario is desire. I will enjoy what is in front of me and let the universe help me figure it out as I go. After all, I am descended from Taoism and Buddhism. Might as well embrace it.

I guess the lesson for me to learn is how to find this clarity at the times of high emotional stress and drama. Learn to lasso the emotions and focus on the ones that are necessary and relevant to what’s going on and not let all the other emotions that are stirred up get in the way. It’s hard to separate emotions out that way but I think it may be the healthiest thing in the long run, understand the emotional value of the moment and not blur it with left-over emotion that is just clogging things up.

Maybe doing five loads of laundry helped a bit, too. Cleaning up the past, some of which is still left from moving out of my apartment into Zadra’s, can’t help but clear things up a bit.

So I face tomorrow with a clearer mind and a less emotional heart, always a good thing. Thanks for listening to (or reading) my emotional diatribes about how life sucks. I know it doesn’t, it just sometimes doesn’t seem so clear.

Here’s to keeping that clarity and presence of mind at least through tomorrow!