Of whiskey, high heels and cat food.

Okay, boy, am I a lightweight. I had one shot of Jamesons tonight and I got so buzzed, it’s stupid. Of course, couple that with high heels that I’m not used to and my favorite moderately sexy skirt with the slit at the thigh, and you have a recipe for trouble… especially with the whiskey. Luckily, I was with friends I trust.

I had such a great time tonight at Koji’s. I always love going because the crowd there is so warm and friendly, no matter how badly I suck when I sing. And I’m getting braver, trying things I don’t know too well, just getting up there and singing as much as I can. I even let Chairman do the stick-your-finger-in-the-book method of picking a song last week and it worked out well – You’re So Vain, luckily a song that I know.

Okay, I just discovered I cannot type when I’m a little buzzed.

For the first time in a very long time, I felt great tonight. I thought I looked quite lovely, thank you very much. Chose the old school 1940s kind of sexy, at least I hope. Although I ended up close-dancing with Ric, the gorgeous but absolutely gay host, which doesn’t really say much, does it? Hung out with my faithful sidekick, Logi-Gal, and Michelle for a while, which was lovely. I don’t get to hang out with the gals enough. Sang a couple of times – “Just A Girl”, which I love and enjoy singing so much. Danced my ass off in my high heels, which was a whole lotta fun. Chairman sang “Soul Man,” which is one of my favorites that he sings. Joy personified, that man.

Discovered tonight how much I enjoy that comfortable intimacy that we all have together. Just easy, comfortable contact, conversation, everything. We don’t have to talk to each other constantly, just a look or a touch or a laugh and we all know what it means. I haven’t had that since high school, I don’t think, with my theater buddies and my best friends. Which makes sense since this gang is pretty much composed of that as well – theater buddies and best friends.

With finally beginning to take ownership of myself and my gifts and just the person that I am, it makes nights like tonight even sweeter. I didn’t think about what person I had to be, who I should present, how I should react to things going on around me. I just was, for a change. Of course, the Jamesons helped.

God, walking to the car, I realized how much of a lightweight I am. I’m still quite buzzed, so pardon me for misspellings, grammatical errors and anything that doesn’t quite make sense. When Chairman walked me to my car (I’ll have to thank his mother if I ever meet her for raising such a wonderful son), he asked me if I was all right to drive home and I said, sure, fine, not a problem. Then he loaded my car up with two and a half cases of cat food for Twyla. His older cat is now on a special diet so Twyla gets to benefit from this. I probably shouldn’t have driven home, I realized about three blocks away. Not that I was drunk but I was a bit sluggish in my responses. Luckily, very few cars on the road on Los Feliz at 1:30 in the morning otherwise there might have been problems.

The bigger challenge came with getting the two and a half cases of cat food upstairs in my blurry condition with my high heels on. In my building, I wouldn’t walk around barefoot for way too many reasons to get into here. Let’s just imagine this – Susan, lightweight drinker, buzzed on whiskey, balancing cases of cat food, staggering in her high heels, trying to keep her skirt in a respectable position, climbing up a flight of stairs, trying to get the key in the lock and getting in the door with two Chihuahuas nipping at her feet. “I Love Lucy” eat your heart out.

What I realized tonight, through the blur of the alcohol, is that I am happy. I like feeling like this. These people all accept me for my gifts and my flaws, because they know I accept them that way, too. I am beginning to really learn to get out of my own way and my own head and not create drama where there isn’t any. I’m back to just accepting what is in front of me and appreciating it for what it is, not trying to make it something it’s not. That only gets me in trouble. Hopefully, this feeling will still be there at 7AM when I get up and finish the work I didn’t want to do tonight and move my car because it’s street cleaning day, which means there will be nowhere to move it to in the morning. So it’ll probably be sleepy coffee at Kaldi on Hyperion tomorrow (today), where there may be further adventures of the Wraith explored or maybe just some nonsense going on in my head or maybe tackle the rest of “Live at Five,” the screenplay I need to finish. Then lunch with my other favorite cheerleader, Zadra, and possibly poker tomorrow (tonight) night. Or a movie, as I have a free ticket. Not sure. Just gonna enjoy the day and the life that God and the universe has handed me lately. I just hope I can hold on to this for a longer period this time.

In the meantime, thanks for the pleasure tonight, guys. Ric, thanks for the thigh and the nuzzling. Patty, thanks for the sidekick-ness that is you. Michelle, always a pleasure to see you and never see you enough. Mark, my new friend, hope to see you outside of Koji’s some time. Erin, always a joy to be in your presence, Del is a lucky woman. And Chairman, thanks for being my cheerleader. I love you all very, very much, especially when there’s whiskey involved.

See ya all next week to start all over again!