The Great Blonde Experiment

I have been a redhead for the past 16 years of my life. I have embraced the red and all that it implies – fiery, feisty, fierce, funny – all qualities I hope to have.

Recently, however, I was led over to the blonde side by my dear friend, Chairman. We were at a party and I noticed a proliferation of blondes running around. Almost jokingly, I suggested I should try being blonde for a while. Always one to be supportive, Chairman immediately posed the question – why not? I couldn’t think of a reason to not do it but still hesitated. He suggested trying it for our weekend in Vegas to see how I liked it. It took me a couple of days but I kept coming back to his initial question – why not?

Well, several process and a whole lot of experimentation later, I am sort of blonde. There’s a punk-rock streak of red that won’t go away in the front but, for the most part, I am a blonde.

And I hate it.

Every time I look in the mirror, I wonder who that person is. It’s not that it looks bad. In fact, the reaction to it has been split right down the middle. Mostly, everyone thinks it looks nice and half of them don’t think it’s me, the other half think it’s exactly me. My best friend, Zadra, says it takes 30 days for your eyes to accept a new hair color on yourself but I don’t think I’m going to make it that long.

The interesting thing has been the reaction of men. It’s so true. Men like blondes. I even noticed how many blondes my male friends have as friends and how they react to the blondes around them. Even with my fickle color, I have been finding more men striking up innocuous conversations with me at counters, holding doors open, those kind of things. Moreso than usual. Even at Bigfoot (a neighborhood bar where we karaoke), one of the regulars, with whom I have a passing acquaintance, spotted me and immediately leapt to my side, far too close inside my personal space, fascinated by my recently blonded locks. “Wow, you’re blonde, I mean, wow, when did you do this? I mean, wow, it looks great and it’ll be really cool when it grows out and you’ve got that punky kind of dark roots and blonde tips kind of thing and, wow, you’re blonde.” I’m still trying to get the drool out of my shirt.

But the face peering out from under the blonde does not match the color. I think it makes me look harder instead of softer, which is what I had not wanted. I thought the blonde would soften my face but it does not. I thought it would make me feel more “girly” but it makes me feel like an imposter. It does show off my eyes better, which is what I’ve always felt was my best asset. But the color somehow makes me feel weaker, less powerful, less serious than the red does. I know, that’s a lot to infuse a hair color with, but that’s what I feel.

So in the days to come, expect to see the blonde disappear and the feisty, fiery redhead to return. Maybe a little softer, maybe a little lighter instead of the deep reds I have been. Maybe there is a middle ground between blonde and red that might satisfy both sides of the fence – strawberry blonde, reddish blonde, the perfect color I haven’t found yet cross between red and blonde. If not, then good old Garnier 100% Light Coppery Mahogany Brown will have to do. It has done well for me so far. It won’t let me down now. And the Great Blonde Experiment will come to a close.