Okay, so I think I finally got all the alcohol out of my system and am desperately trying to catch up on lost sleep but thought I’d take a few moments and see what Vegas did for me.
THE GOOD:
1. Got to play a lot. That was great. I rarely get a chance to just go out and be silly and do stupid things and just enjoy what’s going on around me. Chairman made sure we did lots of that – just walking around, observing, watching, participating. “Why not?” appeared to be the theme of the weekend, including my newly blonded locks (which are going away very, very, very soon). The other theme appeared to be “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off” – not mine but that song was everywhere.
2. Got to dance my ass off – I guess that goes under “got to play” but to me, it’s a totally separate thing. I used to dance – A LOT. Love to dance. But really haven’t boogie oogie oogied in many years. I think I made up for it in one long night at The Beach.
3. Got to clear up a bunch of stuff in my own head. Without having to constantly think about juggling my schedule and getting my work down and being at rehearsal and… and… and… I was able to step back mentally and look at some of the stuff going on in my life that I haven’t been able to look at. Some things became apparent without trying, some things took a little working but finally put themselves away neatly on the shelves in my head. A few stragglers were left over but I’ll deal with those over the holidays.
4. Got a chance to look ahead to 2006 a bit over late dinners and early morning French toast. Trying to put things in order and figure out how to get accomplished what I want to accomplish. It was great to have someone to bounce these things off of and just brainstorm a bit.
5. Got to be inspired. So many things reached out to my creative soul – Avenue Q (the puppetry was amazing), Bite (even the naked vampires inspired me with their incredible dance skills), these lovely little glass art shops we wandered into, the Russian antiquities exhibit at the Guggenheim, even the dancing waters at the Bellagio. Everything seemed to strike something creative inside of me, which hopefully will translate to some new and exciting things over the next few months.
6. Spending time with one of my best friends. Looked forward to breakfast every day, no matter how sleepy, no matter how early/late. We get to hang out a lot but never really get the chance to talk and dream and share. That was the best thing about the whole weekend, at least for me.
THE BAD:
1. Coming home. After four days of utter and complete release and lack of obligation, coming home sucked. So much work to catch up on, 10 hours of rehearsal Tuesday (whose idea was that? oh, yeah, that would be me), dealing with outstanding dramas that still won’t go away, and many, many other things. Made me want to get right back on the plane and go back.
2. Being alone. As I said, spending four days with a great friend made me realize how much I miss having someone near. Just to have someone to call in morning and say, hey, you up yet? Let’s have breakfast. Or just to talk about nothing with. Or to look forward to seeing in an hour. Or to dance with. Or just hang out, bleary from the night before, not talking much, just sharing time. I get some of that with Koji’s and Bigfoot but nothing as close and intimate as really having someone in your life consistently, constantly, every single day. Vegas made me realize how much I miss that.
3. Perspective, in a weird way, both good and bad. So many times this weekend, I’d find myself saying, “Oh, we didn’t do that when we were here” because the ex and I had been to Vegas many times before. But suddenly I realized how little we experienced Vegas and how much we missed. And how much I missed in general, by allowing myself to give in to his desires to hole up and, I don’t know, protect ourselves from the outside world. It made me very grateful for the friends and the fun and the craziness and all of that of my newer family of friends, the way you all make me open up and laugh and sing and play. And it made me realize how little of that I had in the last few years of our relationship.
So I plow through my week, tired, recovering, warm with memories, and a little blue. But very glad I went and hoping that, in the end, all the crap that shook loose will find its way into the crevices and settle down, giving me a little peace and some resolutions.
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