Okay, so this is what I get for doing something outside of my safe zone and without my usual protectors around me.
Thought I’d keep up the singing thing and sing tonight at Bigfoot. So I got up, cheated a bit and sang what I sang at Koji’s on Thursday because I know it and I’m moderately comfortable singing it.
Well, strangely enough, about halfway through the first verse, there was a hand on my ass. Yes, my ass. Then, the body belonging to the hand decided to hump my leg as I sang. I looked down and discovered that it was Jesus humping my leg. Okay, straggly Jesus in an ugly red t-shirt and stupid jeans but Jesus nonetheless.
Now, this messiah is lucky to still have genitals after grabbing my aforementioned body part and then violating my left thigh. Apparently, though, my stare o’ death was enough to get him to leave me alone and dry hump some uncoordinated, badly dressed, 70’s wannabe clique-chick in front of the stage.
I bet his mamma is proud.
See, this is why I’m afraid to date. This is what is drawn to me. I’m not sure what that says about me but it doesn’t bode well for the partner prospects for the future. Now I realize that at my advanced age, I can’t be too picky but I think I’ll pass on Jesus, the dry humper, and see if maybe someone with a little more self-control and a lot less creepy factor is somewhere nearby.
Or I’ll just hide under the covers until the rapture comes and takes this particular messiah away.
Lesson for tonight – never sing karaoke in a strange place without a full security detail.
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