Sitcom versus Rom-com

With Valentine’s Day looming, I keep finding myself battling between the romantic comedy in my mind versus the sitcom that is my life.

For instance, I’ll be going somewhere that I know someone I am interested in is at. The scene that plays out in my head is something like this – he’ll see me in this outfit/hair-do/make-up/shoes and, suddenly, his eyes will light up. At some point in the evening, he’ll lean over to me and say something very sweet and very tender. At the end of the night, as he walks me to my car, he’ll very gently take my hand after we hug and say something totally sappy and totally charming like “I thought I’d kiss you now” and then he would proceed to do just that and the orchestra in my head with cue up and my toes would curl and it would be one of those moments I’ll treasure all my life.

Instead, he’ll show up with another girl, unaware of the fact that my heart has just sunk into my Santana boots and I’ll be forced to smile and pretend to like her and think she’s great and I’m okay with all of that instead of wanting to throw chairs at both of them. I suddenly become Ally McBeal and smile my head off while imaging arrows and bullets and all other terrible things.

Or else he notices nothing and nothing changes. And I make an absolute Grace Adler of myself trying to be witty and charming and funny and, instead, I’m just stupid and silly and falling all over myself. All I need is the wacky neighbor to show up and add more sit to the com that’s going on.

And with Valentine’s looming and no date in sight – other than Zadra (whole other story) – the romantic comedies are playing more frequently, wistfully wishing for at least some of it to come true.

Instead, I’ll hang out with my best friend, probably send a few e-tines (if there is such a thing) to those I love dearly to remind them that they are loved, whether they have their own valentine or not, and I’ll embrace the love and the friendship that I am surrounded with most of the time. And I’ll try and shut off the head-movies for a while and just play into the sitcom and cherish the fact that I can laugh at parts of my life now that used to throw me into such dark places. And with luck, and maybe some more clarity on my own inner workings, maybe this time next year, I will be living out some of that romantic comedy, hopefully with more of the romantic than the comedy.