Yoga Discoveries

Thank God for yoga. I’m serious. Without it, I’m a crazy person.

Of course, I’m writing this just after an amazing 1-1/2 hour yoga class at Black Dog Yoga (www.blackdogyoga.com). They have these community classes that are mixed levels – beginners, intermediate, advanced – all together. I’m somewhere between beginner and intermediate. Begintermediate?

The amazing thing to me always isn’t the practice itself, although that helps to keep the voices at bay and the mind committee occupied with sending strength to the muscles as I attempt impossible positions with my leg left (pigeon pose) or to twist myself into a pretzel and reach the ceiling and the floor at the same time. The amazing thing with this particular place is how synergistic the lessons within the class are with what’s going on in my life.

Each class starts with the teacher talking about what to bring mentally to the practice. At first, I didn’t think much of this. But as I have continued with this practice at this studio, I find more and more often the lessons are what I am working on.

Today’s practice was about opening your “heart center.” Anatomically, that’s the part of your chest surrounding your sternum and includes your back area between the shoulder blades. We humans tend to hold a lot of tension and stress there. If you don’t think you do, ask me for some stretches next time you see me and discover just how “tight” we all are in that area. But more than that, it is about opening yourself to the possibilities in your life. Georgina, the instructor, talked about the vulnerability of opening your heart center and allowing others access to that part of yourself. That’s the main reason so many of us don’t open that area is because it does expose you to the world, leaving you vulnerable to attack.

I know I have protected my heart center for a long time. I closed it down a while ago, trying to keep myself sane and safe. But lately, that heart center has been dying for a stretch, to be opened up again and be released. I think I have started to slowly allow that to happen and I like the feeling of that openness.

Georgina also talked about using this practice today to look inside of ourselves and see what we’re hiding and keeping inside. To move into each pose and see what it reveals to us – joy, fear, anger, satisfaction. Each pose is filled with something, not just put your right foot in front and reach your left hand around behind you. Each pose should elicit an emotion, a sense, a feeling. And to be open and allow those to come out and be released, not hold them in.

I can hear the eyes rolling out there. I didn’t so much subscribe to these theories either until I acrually stopped judging them and started listening to my body. Everything we do is filled with value and though and emotion and intention. We just don’t always allow ourselves to turn our eyes to our inner voices and see what they’re saying.

As I moved through the practice today, I did look inside and discovered that today’s practice reflected so much of where I am in my life right now. Some poses brought me great joy and I felt like I was doing them well, not only from a perfectionist point of view but in that they felt good. The stretch was better, I could feel things in my body release that haven’t been released for a while. I love it when I can place my palms flat on the floor with straight, strong legs and a solid back. It feels powerful and secure and amazing. The warriors poses are named that for a reason and I nailed those today, feeling like Zena, Warrior Princess.

Then there are the things I’m not so secure in – handstands scare the crap out of me. Even doing them against the wall. And the fear that I found there wasn’t just in doing the pose. I could sense the fear of so many things in my life hanging around the edges, piggy-backing on the handstand fear. Fear of not being perfect, fear of being hurt again, fear of being left alone, fear of success, fear of being discovered for the fraud that I am. But as I inched closer to actually being able to get upside down today, I found myself facing those fears and trying to knock them down. I didn’t get too far today, never really got myself upside down, so for, today, the fears won. But the war is not over and I am determined to get there. The few times I have succeeded with inverted poses, I have never felt more powerful and strong. So I’ll add handstands to the list along with conquering the karaoke demons.

So much of what today’s practice was about was looking at what we reveal to others and the honesty that we should be seeking in those revelations. Covering up those revelations, covering up the things that we find when we look inside, all the lead to an unsuccessful practice, both in yoga and in life. It was about looking inside, acknowledging the limitations and accepting them. That doesn’t mean you can’t try to overcome them but until you see them and acknowledge them, you cannot defeat them.

So as I try to dedicate myself to yoga at least twice a week for all the regular, good-for-you kind of reasons – the 35 lbs. I’d like to lose (as I sit here with a frappucino and a chocolate cupcake), the shape I’d like to gain, the relief it gives my carpal tunnel – I am looking forward to what else the practice will reveal to me and what strengths I will gain and weaknesses I will overcome. It can be a physical manifestation of the emotional growth we all seek as well as a healing experience for the wounds that reside deep inside and don’t want to come out. All I know is, I feel stronger, taller, more content and more at peace when I practice consistently and that can’t be all bad. Feel free to join me any time. I guarantee you’ll learn something – whether you want to or not.