The perfect fit...

“Sex and the City” would have us women believe that the sexiest shoe on the face of the earth is a $900 pair of Manolo Blahnik strappy sandals or $500 Jimmy Choo strappy sandals that no real woman could: a) possibly afford or b) possibly wear. Pair that with an impossibly short skirt that only can be worn if you weigh the same as an 11-year-old pre-adolescent girl and are built just like an 11-year-old pre-adolescent girl. Top it off with the requisite no bra and constantly perky nipples and you have Sarah Jessica Parker.

Well, “Sex and the City” is wrong. I found the sexiest shoes on earth tonight and they are neither $900 nor strappy nor sandals. And they do not go with a micro-mini or mini of any sort and any 11-year-old built girl – excuse me, woman – would run screaming from them. That’s my idea of a pair of shoes.



I’m talking about an unbearably sexy pair of cowboy boots. Okay, cowboy-style mules or half-boots designed by Carlos Santana. Red. Vintage looking. Three inch stacked heels. Less than $100 a pair. I saw them, I wanted them. No, needed them. In two different colors. Red and Havana Brown. I think I had a little O when I put them on my feet. Toes are a little pointier than I would normally wear but, oh, my god, my feet have never felt more desirable. (Early Christmas gifts from my ever-loving parents, who spoil me rotten).

I don’t need a micro-mini to go with them. My vintage wash boot-cuts are perfect. Even with a little fraying around the edges. The boots would tolerate nothing less. Topped off by one of my favorite Rare Vintage men’s shirts, I would stand toe-to-toe with little Miss Parker and her quarter of sissy, martini-swilling, over-enhanced bitches any day, whiskey in hand, my voluptuous figure towering over their little tiny, frail, bony-ass, poor-excuse-for-a-woman body and I would crush their little toes in their $900 sandals and send them home to think about what they have done to the female gender.

Damn, I love these boots!