Mostly settled.

Damn, even moving 20 feet is a pain in the ass. I’m almost there, though. Got most of the stuff out of #14 tonight. Still have some clothes and kitchen junk but that shouldn’t take long. Had to paint my pretty blue room over there back to neutral because that’s what I had agreed to when I painted it in the first place. Not complaining because I have to paint it back, just complaining because I hate to paint. I like the results, I hate the process. Have spent most of the day doing that. I am now paint covered, dirty and disgusting. I guess maybe it is a good thing there is no one to share my bed with because tonight I’m sure he’d say, hey, see ya tomorrow when you’re not so stinky!

Today (Saturday) tackling my storage unit. I had hoped to get some of that done Friday but suddenly had work to do so I didn’t get over there. Mainly need to get the furniture moved then I can deal with the boxes on Sunday. Need to pick up a couch as well.

It’s weird being on my own after about 17 years. I had a hard time sleeping last night – harder than usual – because I’m getting used to the new noises in the apartment. And Twyla was pacing – apparently she had the same anxiety that Monica’s cat had the other night in their move. She finally settled under the bed after climbing over me, jumping in the window, jumping on my head, back in the window. Under the bed was a good place.

Also weird the emotional stuff this brought up. I kept thinking about my ex and how he was supposed to be the rest of my life. And now, here I am, 44, and starting yet another phase of my life. How did I get from the rest of my life to this? Very, very strange, because it’s the same feeling I had after my first divorce, which followed an extremely short marriage. Time to yet again redefine the rest of my life.

And I can’t help but shake the feeling that I’m going to be alone for a very long time. I don’t know if it’s because there’s something I need to work on and since I’m not doing it right, I’m supposed to be alone until I figure it out. I don’t know if it’s just that I need to be alone right now to heal and to get comfortable with myself. I just don’t know. I do know that I hope I’m very wrong and that this new apartment will bring someone to me. At least to come over for dinner and a movie (when I get my couch). That’s all I really want right now. Someone to cuddle with, someone to hold hands with. The simple things. I’ve had complicated. Don’t really want that right now. Just want simple, comfortable, peaceful. Let’s see, I put it to the universe that I wanted to find my own place and here I am. I put it to the universe that I need money to cover this immediate month’s rent and apparently my client is swamped and will overload me this weekend. How ‘bout, yet again, a request for someone to kiss? That shouldn’t be too hard. Again, what do I know?

I should get in the shower or soak in the tub but my brain is wired and exhausted and strung out and maybe a little high on paint and won’t let me. Hot bath might be a good option, to maybe lull me a little bit.