My heart is full and happy tonight. Didn’t start out that way, was kinda blue earlier. Lots of things triggering lots of things but finally becoming aware when it’s things that are being triggered instead of things being true.
Went to a Dodger game with Chairman, Zadra, Misha, Bonnie, et al. I’m a Dodger virgin and had no idea that you could have such fun while almost watching a ball game. Exceptional company. Far too much ugly food that tasted so good. Garlic fries are heaven in a cardboard container.
Then, of course, no Thursday is complete without Koji’s and karaoke. The icing on the top of the evening was the return of a piece of my heart – my darling AJ is home after an extended leave of absence from LA. And the biggest surprise was the appearance of Mikee. Man, didn’t know how much I missed that sweet face until it was right in front of me.
My face hurts from smiling so much. The pleasure of learning to let go and just embrace the day and the moment and the people is a huge learning curve for me and I cherish the nights when I can come home with my face aching and a batch of lovely moments – Zadra appearing with the tray of garlic fries and singing along with Chairman; seeing all these new friends around me at Dodger Stadium; walking into Koji’s and seeing AJ; Mikee grinning at me and really looking happy; Chairman killing on Hollywood Nights.
The main thing I need to remember is that I am loved and that, while friends have been left behind on this journey, new ones have stepped into their place. And while those left behind will always be thought of fondly and embraced when they’re around, the new me is now surrounded by what and who I need to be surrounded by. I have never felt so accepted, so comfortable, so warmed by the company in my life. And, for once, I know that I earned it and that I deserve it. And I won’t let anyone take that away from me.
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