So, this year, my birthday wasn’t exactly what I had hoped, but I’ve already covered that, kind of. Part of it was that I found myself keeping my mouth shut in a situation where I should have screamed out, “Hey, you, dickwad. Shut the fuck up for five minutes while I blow out my birthday candles and open my gifts and say thank you. Then you can start over again but, hey, it’s my birthday and my party, not yours, asshole.” But I didn’t, because I thought I should be considerate of the son-of-a-bitch who wasn’t considerate of me.
Karaoke was the same thing until I lost it. Some idiot decided to scream his song in my ear and I threw my drink at him. Unfortunately, he moved a split second early and I missed him. I won’t the next time.
Why do I feel that I have to be considerate to assholes, whether I know them or not? I think it’s part of my boundary issues that I am currently sorting through. Gonna try not being nice for a while, see what that does.
This birthday was definitely a series of great and not so great, some of which was in my own head, some of which was not. There were the amazing gifts of the intangible sort – mostly the whole day yesterday at Disneyland (pics here) and ”Grindhouse” on Friday night – and the intangible gifts of new friends helping me out (thanks, Renae) and old friends reconnecting.
So much of my life right now is a struggle and it’s colored everything this birthday. I was so optimistic last year but not this year. I thought things would be so much different and they’re not. Again, some is my fault, some not.
I don’t really know what I have or want to say in this blog today. Just that I am grateful and torn and angry and elated and blue and happy and frustrated and excited and so many other things all at once right now. Maybe by 60 I’ll figure it out. Right now, I’ll just get through today and see what tomorrow brings.
No comments:
Post a Comment