Gave away my heart too easily
almost unaware that I had
until it was too late.
The one who had it
didn’t even know he did
or doesn’t want to even know
that he did.
And when it slipped through his fingers,
he pretended not to hear it shatter,
not to see it fall,
because then
he would have to feel something
too.
2 comments:
I'm a blog lurker, and I'm not sure of the etiquette here since I don't know you, but your story has left me so bummed these past couple of days that I have to reach out.
I'm maybe two years younger than you, and all my life, I've unfortunately been an intelligent woman with what I like to call "unauthorized feelings". By that, I mean I'm honest about whatever I happen to be feeling and thinking. For that, I've been rejected many, many times. I've never made it to being married, and I don't want to anymore.
I so wish the OOYA had not disappointed you. I'm not going to say he sounds like a pig, because I don't know him, and he seems to be no more of a pig than most attractive men can tend to be when they know they've caught someone's interest. But I've never felt better about the situation when the man I've loved starts to be known as a pig to my friends - because that's usually their way of telling me there's no longer any hope there. There may still be, for all I know.
When I was in high school, I did a paper on women in the media. At the time, Mary Tyler Moore was on the air, and I used hers and Betty White's character as examples. Betty White's character was making it clear that she was interested in Lou Grant - and she was portrayed as a ridiculous caricature for that. I felt that this was damaging to women in that it made it very threatening for us to be open about our feelings, particularly those of attraction. But a strange thing happened - I couldn't get through my oral presentation. It got to me so much that I started crying and had to return to my seat. I knew, even at 14, that I was dealing with a bigger issue than my own life - the images women are fed of themselves, and how it hurts us right at our identity - and it overwhelmed me.
Your blog has made me think of the children's movie The Ugly Dachshund. This is a story about a Great Dane puppy, Brutus, who grows up with Dachshunds - lap dogs - and he thinks he's a lap dog, because this is the only image he's given of what a dog should be. As he grows to his full stature, we see him crouching down low to the ground, knocking over tables, causing Disney-classic havoc at party scenes - much comedy material! But Brutus doesn't realize who he is. Then he meets a sleek, majestic female Dane. Immediately he draws himself tall - and becomes who he already is.
The First Wives Club was on TV recently, and I was reminded that Victor Garber's character was a fool, and looked it, to prefer that babbling teenager over Goldie Hawn. That is like trading in a fine bottle of Cristal for a cream soda. Al Bundy could have outclassed that.
You strike me as a Great Dane type of woman. You are incredibly brave, whether you feel like it or not, to do what you are doing and to be honest and true to yourself. It makes me very angry that people like the Pantiless Wonder, who will never, by the way, attract a Great Dane type of man for more than a one-night manhood-affirmation, can spoil even one of your days. People like that - unless they grow up, and they rarely do - cannot understand. They cannot appreciate that fine bottle of Cristal that is a grown woman's relationship. They will grow old drinking cream soda. And it will get pretty flat.
Anyway, I had to say something to you. You can approve this comment or not, but I hope I've made you feel a little more that you are that majestic, beautiful Great Dane - far better than that puppy without panties on the bed. I wouldn't even go to parties like that if you can avoid it at all - that scenario sounds like it was so beneath you. I hope you feel that, eventually, deep inside.
Please, please feel better. This will pass - and you'll draw yourself up tall and proud. You have every right to be.
What annonymous said is beautiful!! Love the imagery of the Great Dane, indeed I do:)
*HUGS*
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