Men

Monica and I have spent a lot of time in the last few days (weeks, months) talking about the men in our lives – those we covet, those who are friends and those who are care about. We’ve been discussing what makes them so afraid, so tentative, so unable to make a step forward when it comes to women.

And we think we’ve hit on an answer – they don’t know what to be and, therefore, they are left trying to figure out what they are. They’ve been given mixed messages by the media, by their mothers, by their female friends and by those other women in their lives. They’re left standing there, shy, uncertain, afraid to make any kind of move to be any kind of man because they no longer know what being a man means.

And they are exposed – particularly here in LaLaLand – to girls like the Pantiless Wonder and Bitch-face, confusing them even further. These are simple girls who haven’t become women yet, who seem to be very easy to figure out. Pantiless Wonder wants sexual attention and men respond to this because it’s a basic primal response. Bitch-face is easy because she emasculates them to their faces, making it easy to understand their role in her life.

It’s when they meet intelligent, complex, complicated women like Monica and I that they don’t know what to do. We’re not one note, we’re not simple but, really, we’re not that complicated either. We want the same things as Pantiless Wonder and Bitch-face, but we also want more.

So, you men out there who dare to read this blog, take note of what two smart, funny, complex women want their men to be. (Don’t run, it’s not that bad.)

1. Be strong enough to let us be strong and also strong enough to let us be weak.

2. We don’t want your testicles, thank you, you may keep them. We even enjoy it when you use them. We like strong men. Men with testicles.

3. We know you don’t understand us so don’t try to pretend you do. Just accept us in all of our weirdness and eccentricities.

4. Go ahead, fix things – around the house. Don’t fix us. We aren’t broken. And we promise not to try to fix you.

5. You can relax, we like you, we really, really do. Even your faults, even your bad habits. So relax. Be yourself.

6. Talk to us. Just talk. Tell us you don’t understand, you don’t know, you’re not sure. It’s okay to be that way.

7. Believe it or not, you can talk to us about feelings without figuring that means we’re getting married. We just want to know if we’re doing the right thing, too. We’re unsure sometimes. So be open, tell us when we’re crossing boundaries or when you’re not sure what you feel.

8. Quit fooling around with the concept of “hanging out” and “light dating.” Sorry, doesn’t work. Sucks. It confuses us even more because then we don’t know where we stand constantly. Be up front, be clear. We appreciate that. If you want to have us in your life and you want to cuddle and snuggle, sorry, we’re more than hanging out. Deal with it.

9. Trust yourself. Trust your feelings. Who knows, maybe they’re right.

10. Give us a try. A real try. Take a risk with your heart. We’re willing to, we just want you to as well.

11. We’re the walking wounded, too. We understand and promise to treat you gently.

That’s about it. Maybe it’ll help, maybe it won’t. I just thought I’d put it out there for all to read.