Today

Struggling
fighting
drowning
not sure
which way is up
or down
or if there is
a difference.

Hard to move the heart
when it’s firmly anchored;
hard to move the mind
when it won’t let go;
hard to defeat the hurt
when it is so deeply embedded.

Choices
made
good
bad
otherwise
pulling
drawing
pushing me
further down.

I know what I want to have
I know what I want the future to be
I know what I want to feel
but right now
there’s nothing there.
Just things
just stuff
just filler.

And it’s not just him
and it’s not just us.
It’s all
it’s everything
it’s everywhere.

Just standing
struggling
fighting
and
losing.