Ramblings

Sort of feeling rambly tonight. Bunches of thoughts in my head. This is never good or productive.

Let’s see, my therapist basically said to me today that maybe there’s someone out there that’s wild about me and I just have to find them. Thanks. That’s a big help.

My keyboard is disgusting. It needs a shower.

AJ was taunting me tonight with imaginings of one of the older men in the company naked and doing bizarre sexual acts. Now I have to gouge out my eyes.

Have a ton of work to do but not feeling like doing it.

Wanting, missing someone who probably isn’t even aware that he’s is wanted or missed.

Feel like writing really bad poetry. It’s what I do best when I feel like this. Thank god nobody gets to read it.

Having an artistic disagreement with the ex that’s a very delicate situation. Was told by my very good friend that it will be good for me to work through this with him to get past some of the issues and move on. I hope so. I’m ready for that.

My room is a disaster yet I can’t quite find the time or the energy to get it together. It feels overwhelming.

Decided I must sing at Koji’s on Thursday, which was swayed by veiled threats if I don’t. Scared to death. But, hey, it’s only karaoke, right?

Realized after Koji’s this week that I should not drink anything. Don’t do that very well, no matter how small the amounts. May explain why I never drank a lot in my “wild” days – all two of them.

Looking forward to getting away to Vegas on the 4th and 5th. Much needed escape in store, I hope.

Did some writing tonight. That felt good. Haven’t really written anything but these bloody blogs for a while. Writing something with a story felt nice. Must do more.

Looking forward to the reading of my screenplay tonight. Bit scared. What if it’s not as good as I remember? Grateful, though, even for the opportunity.

Dealing with a lot of fears lately. Not sure what to do with them. I put them away and they keep escaping. Damn them!

Don’t quite understand strange men on Myspace sending me messages such as “so whats a cute thing like u up to?” (actual quote). If you can’t use your words and some kind of punctuation, then don’t send me a message. How desperate must you be to hit on a 43-year-old in cyberspace, is my immediate thought, followed by, how many women got this same message? Eeeewwww!

Miss being held. Miss that a lot.

Loving and appreciating the joy and exuberance in the people around me. Glad to have them in my life.

Oh, my god, I have a message from Jesus on Myspace! I didn’t know He was on Myspace. Wow. He looks like Alex Rocco. Jesus left me a personal ad - “Hello how r u im jesse 28 m 818 athletic fit, 5’ 7 “ 150 work out Play soccer, in car sales, looking to meet cool friends. You seem like my type of girl , would like to know more about you.” Although I’m confused. His headline said Jesus and he calls himself Jesse. Hmmm. Jesus is a schizophrenic? Again, I must say, Eeeeeeewwwww! Can’t hit delete fast enough.

Must go type either crazy people who’ve killed their mother/molested their child/robbed someone to pay for their meth addiction or one of 45 urology reports. Whoo-hoo. Meth or piss. That’s a choice for an evening/morning of typing.

Be well. Love someone today.