Would I erase you if I could, just to release some of my heart? And what would I erase? Your birthdays, which were so special, at least to me. The couple of trips we took, not as a couple, but as very good friends. Singing, dancing. Working together. Watching you work. Those late night dinners and midnight conversations. All the music. Wow, all the music. I’d have to erase half my Ipod.
What would that accomplish? Relieve some of the pain, some of the doubt, some of the “what ifs”. Make me stop missing you in my life. Make me let go of that piece of my heart so maybe I can give it to someone else to do exactly the same thing to it.
Would it be worth letting those wonderful memories go just to let go of some of the pain? Or would it hurt more to not have those memories, to lose that part of myself that lived so fully and so perfectly in the moment in those times?
Guess only time will tell as all of this fades into memory and we grow further apart and you fade from my life. I’ll look back and think fondly of those vague days of singing and acting and just talking and just being and scrubbing your bathroom. I’ll laugh and say, “Wow, I remember that, kind of. That was nice, I think. He was a nice guy and was very special – for such a short time.”
Like most of the men in my life, I thought you’d be around forever. And like most, I guess I was wrong. I guess there will be more that will fade, leaving me with fondness and warm times locked in my head.
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