Musings at 5:18 AM

I hate that it’s 5:18 AM and I’m wide awake.

I hate that my heart and my mind disagree so early in the morning and decided to have a full-on drag-out battle this early. I’m not ready to deal with these emotions right now but they seem to be ignoring me.

Can’t seem to let him go, despite logic, despite my brain telling me that every relationship – friendship or otherwise – has its flow, its ebb, and sometimes friendships just go away. But I feel like I’m missing a part of me. I can still feel him in my heart, the way I can feel all my good friends and the people that are dear to me.

I don’t let things go easily, particularly things that I don’t understand.

And I know there’s nothing I can do about it. At least, my head knows there’s nothing I can do about it. My heart is entirely another matter. It’s stubborn and obsessive and juvenile and given to tantrums and heartbreak. And right now, it’s throwing one hell of a hissy fit.

Maybe morning light will bring my heart some peace and my mind will rule during the daylight hours, finding a tentative treaty with this silly, stupid, irrational muscle. Maybe it’s the pending blue moon bringing this on. Whatever it is, I vote for the head to win this time so I can move on in peace.