One last thing

I have only one last thing to lose.

One very precious last thing.

Very, very precious.

And it'll be gone very soon. And that will kill me.

And then...

I will begin again.

Because that's what I do.

Begin. Again.

Sadder. Harder. Stronger. Emptier.

And this will be that way.

Begin again.

Because I have to. Because there is no other choice.

I thought that's what this was - a new beginning.

But it's not. It's just something that will end.

Because it always does.

And I get up.

And I begin again.

This time, however, is going to be harder. So very much harder.

And it's not fair.

It's not.

And it's the last time I'll begin this part of my life again.

Because I'm not that strong.

Because I don't want to lose this last precious thing.

Because it's never fair.

And in losing this one precious thing, I lose so very much.

And I will begin again with the lost left behind, not to be recovered, a beginning that will be slower and harder. 

But I will begin again.

Because that's what I do. Even when I don't want to.

And right now, I don't.