All I've ever learned from love...

My favorite line in “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen is “all I’ve ever learned from love/is how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya.”

And as I listened to this beautiful song this morning, it hit me.

You will leave me.

You’ve already told me that. It’s just a matter of when.

You will leave me.

You outdrew me.

And you were honest, so I can’t be surprised.

You will leave me.

And I can stay right here, right now, and be with you and enjoy every single moment of your arms around me, the look in your eyes, the touch of your hand. And I can savor each moment, knowing that it might be the last one, knowing that you’re going to be gone one day, sooner or later.

Or I can choose to leave now, break my own heart, tear myself away before it becomes impossible.

Maybe it would have been better if you had disappeared. Just vanished into the ether. Because that, I can handle. I’ve handled it many times before.

But you came back. And that just made me fall harder, which I don’t know if you knew that would happen. You came back and I handed you my heart again, despite telling myself I wouldn’t … because you will leave me. I knowingly handed it to you even as I thought about the repercussions.

“All I’ve ever learned from love/is how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya.”

Now I need to choose whether to outdraw you…