You can't take that away...

I have spent my life trying to do/be what others want me to do/be. Well, I’m done.

I’m done trying to impress you all with my dazzling skills and all my accomplishments because you just don’t care. You don’t see it. You think I’m wasting my time with all this “stuff”. You think I’m being indulgent and ridiculous. You think I’m playing at my life because it’s not the life you chose for yourself. And you resent me because I chose to live the life I want, and not to live a life that is ordinary.

You can’t take anything away from me that hasn’t already been taken. You can’t possible undermine me anymore than you already have. You can’t make me stop and do things your way because, frankly, your way is as ridiculous to me as my way is to you.

If I were an athlete, a position that is acceptable in your eyes, then you would appreciate and understand all the work I am doing and that I have done. If I were an athlete, the hours of rehearsal and study and practice would be worthwhile because it would lead to me being a better athlete and maybe to something more. If I were an athlete, you’d leave me alone.

Or if I were 20, you’d roll your eyes and tolerate what I’m doing because I’m young and I’m exploring. If I were 20, you’d pat me on the head and say, go, explore, but you’d always end it with, but make sure you can get a job when you’re done. If I were 20, you would just pretend I had a future doing something useful once I got done with this silliness.

But I am an Artist. I have always been an Artist. And an Artist is an athlete in many ways. I have muscles I have to train, I have strategies I need to learn. I have game plans and goals and injuries, just the way an athlete does. My end goal requires just as much time and dedication and sacrifice as any professional athletic endeavor requires.

And, no, I’m not 20 but I am starting my life over again. And I’m only four years into it. But one thing I have learned in those four years is that I will not give up being an Artist for anyone. It is my life, it is my soul. It is what I excel at, whether you can see it or not. It is what makes my heart beat and my lungs breathe. It is what drives me and keeps me awake in the middle of the night It is what I wish I had embraced when I was 20 and was listening to too many other voices that told me to deny that Artist, to be something ordinary.

So do your best. Take away everything you can from me because you can’t take away the one thing that I live for - my art. You can’t take away my writing because, as long as I have a pen and a piece of paper, I can write. As long as there is one actor willing to stand in front of me and let me tell them what to do, I can direct. As long as I can find a crayon and an surface, I can draw. And you will never, ever be able to take that away from me.