So many times, I just want to ask you - why are you here?
With me.
Now.
You could make other choices, especially now. I think you're still keeping one eye over there while you're here. And I get that. But it makes me want to ask...
Why are you here?
And there are so many beautiful women out there. And I know you love beautiful women. That's something I can't ignore. And I like to think I'm included in that group or you wouldn't be with me. But still...
Why are you here?
Because I don't feel beautiful right now. And I think you deserve beautiful. And in a few weeks and over the next six months, I am not going to be beautiful. Inside or out. And this thing between us that has been so precious and beautiful may not be anymore because it will pushed to its limits by the non-beauty of my life..
And that scares the shit out of me.
Because I think you're beautiful, inside and out. And you've been beautiful to me, every day, every moment. And you've given me such beautiful memories...
And why are you here?
Because I can't for the life of me figure out why you'd choose to go through this with me when you could choose someone else. Someone beautiful. Someone else who will miss you and kiss you and give you the simplicity you seek. I know she's out there. And I know she could make you just as happy, maybe happier because...
Why are you here?
Because, in the end, you'll break my heart anyway. So maybe it'd be better if you broke it now.
Because my heart's at a tipping point and I'd rather it not go over if you're wondering...
Why am I here?
7 comments:
Oh,Susan, there is no way this man you so adore would think you any less beautiful because life is dealing you this awful, challenging hand right now. If he is as beautiful inside as you say he is, he will never notice anything but the beauty inside and outside of you. If he is so superficial that he does judge you for having cancer, then good riddance to him. He may be dealing with a similar personal crisis tomorrow...would you abandon him as a result? Give him some credit, but if you feel he is truly that superficial, then you need to rid yourself of his negativity. That is the last thing you need right now. I think of you so often...huge hugs and positive thoughts being sent your way this very minute.
Why won't we believe that they capable of loving us the same way we love them?
Melancholy - you said it, sweetie. We've been taught we're not worthy so we don't know what to do when someone treats us like we are worthy.
Belinda - It's really totally my insecurity right now. He's been nothing but beautiful to me.
Your candor and insight is refreshing to read.
I wish you could feel the love and support we are giving you.
Your posts are beautiful in their candor and rawness.
Sending lights of love and support your way.
A beautiful post. Thanks for sharing your journey.
Beauty? Blech! I find it boring I guess. Well...sometimes. Sometimes I wish I were so boring. Ha! It's just so fleeting. One moment I have beauty, the next I am beyond hideous. Scars? I need more fingers to count them. Do you know what I find beautiful now? Transparency. You have that. You are beautiful.
Post a Comment