Never mind... :)

The beauty of the Filmmaker is that he continues to surprise me in every single way.

Today, I had a long talk with myself after last night’s ramblings and had a series of epiphanies about why I feel so neglected and abandoned after not hearing from him for - gasp - almost 48 hours and how my own lack of self-esteem makes me crave that feeling that someone thinks I’m important to them…. And all kinds of other stuff.

And I decided today to let go a little more. I’ve been holding the hurt and the anger and the fear and so many other things so tightly for so long now that it’s become habit. And if I don’t let go and try to break the cycle, I’m going to be stuck in that cycle forever.

Luckily, the universe has provided me with this beautiful, effortless, amazing man who startles me constantly by doing exactly what I want/need/desire. And it’s helping the crazy go away because I’m actually in a healthy, easy relationship that is grown up and comfortable. And yet wildly, insanely passionate.

And his simplicity with our relationship is helping me realize that I don’t need him to validate me or make me feel important or worthy or whatever the fuck I think I need to have someone make me feel. I need to find that within myself, because it’s something he sees and is reflecting back at me, making me not need to seek it from him. Okay, did you follow that?

Anyway, I’m glad when the crazy results in some sanity. And I am so glad that he’s along for the ride, for whatever length it turns out to be.

And I’m glad he’s falling slowly at my side, looking for the updraft to take us away…