I'm currently reading Nick Hornby's "A Long Way Done" whilst trapped on the LA
Metro (which on twitter has become lametro - lame-tro). He wrote the novels
"About a Boy" and "High Fidelity". Brilliant, funny, dark, moving writer. This
one is about four people who climb to the top of a tall building in England to
jump off and kill themselves on New Year's Eve. Instead, they form a twisted,
dysfunctional, poignant family, trying to help each other find their lives
again. I'm not quite finished with it yet so I'm not quite sure how it's all
going to turn out.
But as I am currently going through a very deep, dark peer into my soul right
now (that has nothing to do with "Diary"), there was a passage today in this
book that really spoke to me. Don't know if it'll speak to you but here it is
anyway.
The quartet are meeting for coffee, trying to understand why they each wanted to
jump off the building. They began to talk about what they would do differently
in their lives or what they would want back. If they had three wishes, what
would they wish for, what would their lives be like? Then there's this passage:
"We all spend so much time not saying what we want, because we know we can't
have it. And because it sounds ungracious, or ungrateful, or disloyal, or
childish, or banal. Or because we're so desperate to pretend that things are
O.K., really, that confessing to ourselves that they're not looks like a bad
move. Go on, say what you want. Maybe not out loud, if it's going to get you
into trouble: 'I wish I'd never married him.' 'I wish she were still alive.' 'I
wish I'd never had kids with her.' 'I wish I had a whole shitload of money.' 'I
wish all the Albanias would go back to fucking Albania.' Whatever it is, say it
to yourself. The truth will set you free. Either that or it'll get you a punch
in the nose. Surviving in whatever life you're living means lying, and lying
corrodes the soul, so take a break from the lies just for one minute."
I love that.
"Surviving in whatever life you're living means lying, and lying corrodes the
soul, so take a break from the lies for one minute."
Take a break from the lies of surviving life today and say "I wish"...
And make it a big one... or two... or twelve.
I wish...
Such powerful words.
If we start with "I wish", where do you think we can end?
I'll start:
I wish I left my marriage earlier, then maybe we both would have been happier
sooner.
I wish I could spend every single day directing.
I wish I had someone in my life to be a partner and a lover and to share this
difficult and amazing journey with me.
Now you go...
(share if you want to, don't share if you don't, but wish)
3 comments:
"I wish I didn't have to work a regular 9-5 job." But I DO have to. It would then tie into, "I wish I hadn't left my marriage for someone who turned out to be a manipulative, cruel person." But I DID leave my marriage and I now have to be responsible for myself, my own finances, my future, my RETIREMENT, good god! I'm so behind. So then, "I wish I had been an ant, rather than a grasshopper for the last 20 years of my life."
On the positive, taking charge, control, RESPONSIBILITY for my own life, alone, has been liberating in a lonely way. It doesn't all come down to money, but money=freedom. Once I'm a little more settled, and I AM getting there, I will have the freedom to travel (with paid vacation!) the freedom to start up the record label again, the freedom that comes from knowing I have a retirement account. So . . .I wish I was already there, but at least the mistakes pushed me towards doing some things that had to be done.
I think you are on the right track. You already know in your heart what you HAVE to do and you are already doing it. So kudos!
Sounds like a good book.
1) I too wish I would have left my husband sooner. I was too afraid of the other side, but now realize it's SO MUCH BETTER. This is the life I could have been living all along.
2) I wish that one guy would have stuck around. I really liked him. His loss.
3) I wish my heart wasn't so dumb when it comes to men.
4) I wish before I die to feel real love, because even though I'm approaching 3 decades on this planet, I have no idea what that's like.
Katie and Anna -
Thanks for being brave enough to share your wishes here.
Anna - I love you and I'm so grateful you are in my life.
Katie - I hear everything you're saying. And you will feel true love, just be open to what form it comes in. Sometimes, it may be brief and fleeting but that doesn't diminish its value. Thanks for reading and thanks for sharing.
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