Are you lonesome tonight?

Feeling lonely in my tiny, self-centered world today.

I know, I know, I have amazing friends, incredible collaborators, yada, yada, yada.

I had coffee with one of my favorite guys, Justin, yesterday. Justin is an amazing director, a wonderful actor and just a terrific guy. And gorgeous. And makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world when he’s talking to me. Of course, he makes every women feel like that and that’s one of his charms.

We talked on and on about our projects, what we’re working on, what we’re excited about, challenges with what’s going on in our creative lives. I loved having someone to talk to about how scared I am of “Gross Indecency” and how challenging this production has been and to have him understand that and share it with me. And make me feel okay about my fears and not diminish them. And I have others around me who do that so it’s not just that. It was sitting with someone who I enjoy very much and who has a certain connection with me who makes me feel like we’re really talking, really connecting, not just doing the pat on the hand thing.

And I guess today I realize how much I miss having someone special in my life to share things with. The good things, the bad things. To share the fears and feel comforted. I think that’s what it is. Somehow, Justin made me feel comforted, not just -- I really don’t know what the word is I’m looking for.

I miss having someone to just be there, make me feel like I’m not alone in the world. That there is someone who hears me and understands me. Justin’s just a friend - a married friend - so I know it’s not that I think he’s the man for me and all that crap. I think it’s just that he listened to me in a way that not too many people have and it made me miss having someone listen to me that way.

So in the midst of being surrounded by an incredible roommate, good friends and great collaborators on “Gross Indecency”, I sometimes feel like I’m standing all alone in the center of the storm, people swirling around me, activity and motion, but I’m just standing still, alone, naked, scared, empty. And I just want someone to stop for a moment, wrap me in their arms and whisper all the things I want to hear in my ear. Make me feel comforted. Make me feel warm. Just make me feel.

But for now, I have to make myself step into the storm and try to keep up until I can find that person. Or get used to the wind and the noise and continue to try to find comfort in myself.